The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships by Julie de Azevedo Hanks

Author:Julie de Azevedo Hanks [Hanks, Julie de Azevedo]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Tags: SEL040000 Self-help / Communication & Social Skills
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2016-08-01T00:00:00+00:00

Sorting Thoughts and Feelings

One important distinction relating to emotional awareness is the ability to separate feelings and thoughts (this ties in to an aspect of differentiation). Confusion may exist because feelings and thoughts are interconnected and mutually influence one another. Though they try, researchers have yet to determine which, if any, come first. Since babies can feel and take purposeful action before they think with words, I tend to lean toward emotions preceding thoughts. If I had to choose between chicken or the egg…I choose the egg.

Even though in your day-to-day living you experience thoughts and feelings concurrently and connectedly, it can be helpful to sort through them separately in order to inform your next step and to articulate your internal experience to others. You might think of thoughts versus feelings using the common metaphor: thoughts refer to activity and logic taking place in the mind, whereas emotions and feelings reside in the heart. There may be confusion and/or relationship blips when you accidentally express a thought as if you were expressing a feeling. For example, saying, “I feel that you are trying to manipulate me” is problematic because it is actually a thought, not a feeling. Just because you say the word “feeling” doesn’t mean you’re actually stating a feeling. Look at the following template for a more accurate way of teasing out a thought from a feeling in order to express yourself more effectively:

I feel when you because I think . (emotion word) (other’s specific behavior) (your thought)

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